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SOMETIMES WE KNOW FORGIVENESS IS A GOD ORDAINED ACT, SO WE BURY THE HATCHET BUT IT’S STILL FACE UP: meaning it’s got potential for hurting back or taking revenge- the blade is exposed- creating tension

THEN WE GO TO THE WORD OF GOD: 
a. VENGENCE IS MINE SAITH THE LORD (Tim12:19)
b. NOT BY POWER NOR BY MIGHT BUT BY MY SPIRIT SAYS THE LORD (Zac 4:6.)

     But what do we do with our distress? I wanted revenge towards my now ex fiancé- when he gave me HIV knowingly. God      gave me time with him- to work out my pain and anger. God gave me grace which I prayed hard for knowing I couldn’t let go      on my own. It was like a miracle and I will never ever forget it- I am eternally grateful

c. Best verses ever: (Golden rule reversed) Prov. 26:29 “Say not, I will do to him as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for his deed.
d. I have to learn to leave revenge in the hands of my God

My FAVORITE: 1 Thessalonians 1:6-7Amplified Bible (AMP)

6 [It is a fair decision] since it is a righteous thing with God to repay with distress and affliction those who distress and afflict you, 
7 And to [recompense] you who are so distressed and afflicted [by granting you] relief and rest along with us [your fellow sufferers] when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with His mighty angels in a flame of fire.

Now I needed to learn true forgiveness- without a hatchet at all. (Take it away) so I studied and read about this all important act that would free me of pain- had nothing to do with him.

Forgiving and reconciling are two different things- and not need to go together. 

A. Jewish law taught we are to forgive three time only when someone repents. 
B. Still being taught in synagogues. 
C. But Jesus said forgive 70 x 7 
D. And if not forgiving then we are not to be forgiven
E. Jesus separated furtiveness from reconciliation
   iii. Some compulsive people are quick to apologize (evie) so as to get beyond it. 
   iv. That speaker gets the attention of the speaker- to reduce his anxiety, but wait he says, you forgave me., but now the speaker says, you have to step back AWAY FROM ME. 
   v. Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me

What about forgiving myself?
a. Hardest person to forgive
b. Love neighbor as yourself 
c. Might let self-off hook 
d. Many say I can’t forgive myself. 
e. Has God forgive me? Yes
f. But not forgive myself? Is it wise to have higher standard than God? 
g. Fear is if I forgive myself I might do it again. So remembering it will protect me from repeating my stupid behavior
h. Often this is a set up to do it again- not letting go of it. 
I. Purpose of forgiveness is to release from debt of past- if holding onto it were helping
j. I have to free myself from my mistakes but must stop behavior. If ongoing, then it’s not forgiveness but excessive behavior

Process: 
a. Grieve what lost (self-image)
b. Set patterns of boundaries to protect 
c. Let go of grudge
d. Release self of bondage of past

Reconciliation: Rewarded For
1. Job 42; 7-11: verse 10, And the Lord restored Job’s losses when he prayed for his friends; gave Job twice as much as before -- 
2. Strings Concordance:  Means prayed: to interceded, entreat, make supplication 
3. Read Ma 18: 21 parable of unforgiving servant
     Ma 5:23-24 - Therefore if you bring your gift to the alter and then remember your brother has something against you, leave      it. Go on your way first be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift (this refer to your gift of worship

1 Colossians 1: 20-21
A. His blood satisfies his holiness makes peace. 
B. Lives in us as our hope of glory (1; 27) 
C. Thru Christ we are reconciled to all things. NO MORE HATCHET

Forgiveness I can do all by myself- a unilateral process

1. Other person not have to admit any wrong doing.
2. We cancel the debt to free ourselves.

Reconciliation: a bilateral process- are requires other person to act.

Beneficiary of forgiveness is me- NOT HAVE TO DIG UP THE HATCHET

Even the bank forgives unpaid debt- and it’s for their own benefit- to get bad loan off the books. It’s a selfish act- as it stays on the credit report of the debtor but the debt is forgiven- that’s what forgiveness means. The debt is cancelled- like what Jesus did for us on the cross.

Heard interview with Taniya Brown, sister of Nicole Simpson Brown

1. She wrote book about recovering from depression
2. She said if she were to meet OJ in person, she would be indifferent to him – what does that mean? 
3. He choices: to ignore him, acknowledge him or embrace him - not she said ignore like he didn’t matter “he would be like air to her”

Reconciling requires forgiveness’ but forgiveness does not require reconciling

4. What does Christ ask of us?
a. Reconciliation requires transformation and time to communicate
b. I had 3 years to take care of Donald to cry and scream and work out my emotions
c. When you speak out, like pouring hot coals on head, maybe hard for other person to hear, and if heart is hard, not mean anything
But with Forgiveness we give up the right to hold anything against someone- no more debt

Reconciliation does require repentance

What about forgiving and forgetting- are we required to do both?

Thinking forgiving requires forgetting? Ingrained in us (culturally) to let it go, parents instruct kids to act like it never happened. 
   a. true in Asia Africa and Europe. This is a pervasive concept
   b. Dave Stoop says” it’s a lie” forgetting has nothing to do with forgiving and vice versa
   c. We don’t forget- foolish to try- may get hurt again
   d. Only god can forgive and forget
      . He has nothing to learn; take our sin and buries it, remembering it no more
      . Why we don’t forget? Someone steps on foot- ask for forgiveness and asks you to forget over and over. 

Hebrew 3:6 - but Christ as a Son over His own house, whose house we are, we hold fast to the confidence and the rejoicing of the hope from to the end.

Through Christ we can reconcile; I don’t have to figure it out or do something. I just have to put myself in His house- walk in his shoes best I can.

My job forgiveness: God’s job reconciliation

GOD DID IT! I HAVE NO MORE ANGER- WE RE RECONCILLED 
Isaiah 57: 18 I have seen his ways and will heal him. I will also lead him and restore comforts to him and to his mourners.